Dec 22, 2009 personal
Sometimes, the my best method of coping is through writing. Here I am.
To say the last two months have been difficult would be an understatement. But I survived.
In November, an employee who had also become a great friend was hospitalized. He went into a coma and never came out of it. A week later he passed away. Jim was two weeks older than me. His passing really made me put my own life into perspective. Attending his funeral and meeting his parents was more difficult and more emotional than I ever could have imagined. It was a beautiful service, and a great tribute.
Last week I had to lay-off my entire department. I know these guys are pros and will quickly rebound, but we formed a very close-knit team. We were working on some great projects that may never be realized and that also kills me. But mostly, we won’t be working together anymore and I really miss that.
Last weekend, someone broke into my car in my driveway and stole $100 cash. Sure we could have used the cash, but losing it isn’t that big of a deal. What is upsetting is how violated I feel that someone broke into my car on my property. There is a sense of paranoia that occurs after these types events. Now I’m taking extra precautions to make sure my family is safe at night.
And finally, last night my sweet Grandmother passed away. She was my last living grandparent. One of the most loving and kind-hearted persons I have ever known. To her, family was everything. The most difficult part was being so far away from her during her last hours. But I did have the opportunity to call her and say goodbye. I was amazed at how cognizant and aware she was of what was happening to her. She knew her time had come and had gathered her family. She was able to call all her Grandchildren who lived far from home. How amazing.
As I sit here and think about the tragedy and life-changes that have occurred in the past two months, I find myself uncharacteristically in a sound state of mind. It would be too easy to go into a deep depression. It would be too easy to find blame and faults in the world. It would be too easy to be upset that these events happened around Thanksgiving and Christmastime…times when everything should be right and everyone be happy. Those types of emotions would be too easy to have.
I am very sad about what has happened, but I also have a full heart and realize these events had to happen. There is a time when all good things come to an end. I understand that now. I know my life wasn’t the only one impacted. It seems I had a series of events happen to me, but truth is these events happened to a lot of others too. I am grateful they occurred how and when they did. I’m grateful they happened in a short amount of time and I will be able to mourn briefly and then move on with building a better life.
But… please God and whatever karmic energy that surrounds me, no more life changes for a while, OK? Let me catch my breath before the next round.
Jim’s death was a tragedy. I am grateful I knew him. He was a generous soul, helping out with organizations like Helping Hands. His passing around Thanksgiving time might seem inconvenient, but if it was his time to go I’m glad he did it at a time when we reflect on being grateful and helping others. Now, each Thanksgiving I’ll reflect back on the few months that I knew Jim as a friend, and remind myself that volunteering my time is one of the best ways that I can show my gratitude. Thank you Jim.
Losing my entire team at DataNet Pro was very sorrowful. But it was something that had to be done. We took a gamble and tried marketing financial products in a down economy using a bootstrapped budget. It didn’t pay off. It is unfortunate, and the lay-off event seems untimely, but I’m grateful we even had the chance of working together. I had learned so much from each of my staff, in both the business world and life lessons, that I can’t even imagine what the past 9+ months would have been without them. The theme of this holiday season this year is to focus on what matters most in life. Without knowing my team and knowing what they are going through, I don’t know if I would have picked up on that. And what a remarkable people that my wife, my kids and I all have as friends and second family. Thank you to Ryan, Tyler, Lulu, Pete, Johanna, Mark, Sergei and Jim. You all inspire me!
Losing my Grandma is the saddest event of them all, but how grateful and proud I am to be part of her family. Her life, her love, and her family is an amazing legacy to be retold by generations. I know I’ll be passing down the love and values that she instilled in my Mom, and my mom instilled in me. I lived just a couple of miles from Grandma (and so did all my cousins). We were always together. It may seem that having a loved one pass at Christmas time is tragic, but in my eyes I can’t think of a more fitting and better time for Grandma to pass. This was the time of year she loved. This is the time of year we will all remember her.
For 4-5 weeks of every year her house was full of laughter of kids and adults at play, delicious smells from her cooking of stacks and stacks of sugar cookies, sounds of the door chimes from the coming and going of all the grandkids, puddles of melting snow from the boots on her landing, warmth of a fire crackling in her wood burning stove, the sights of two, sometimes three tables spread with goodies for the taking, and the love that comes from knowing everyone who walked in the door was welcomed in that house. I know that all kids think their grandparent’s are magic, but my Grandma especially was.
Merry Christmas Grandma. We love you.